Back to the Future or Looking to the Past

I recently saw a band play and spent some of the concert wondering when/if they would play the song I really wanted to hear.  Halfway through the concert I realized I was squandering an opportunity to enjoy what was actually occurring by focusing on what might be happening in the future. This is something I have noticed many others do as well.

Have you ever had any of these thoughts:

·      Should I change jobs or careers?

·      Should I break-up?

·      Why can’t I make up my mind about this or that…?

When people think about options or have indecision, they are often asking  questions such as, which possible future outcome will make me the most happy/least unhappy? What will be safest course of action? What will bring the least disruption to my life? How can I get what I think I want?  

Conversely, you may have parts that imagine possible pasts and work to keep a decision from being made because the part remembers a past similar circumstance and projects that onto the current reality.

The Internal Family Systems (IFS) concept of polarizations (parts that want different things) can help make sense out of this.  One of the many things that polarized parts might do is anticipate needs by focusing on potential futures or past occurrences. Through working with those parts one can get to the heart of what is keeping you stuck.

A few things to try: Ask yourself, what story am I telling myself? Are the scenarios that come to mind directly related to what is happening in this moment or are they projections into the future or looking through the lens of the past?  If they are not in the present, try to gently update them to your current reality.  If you have difficulty with this, you may want to work with an IFS trained therapist.

And if you have parts that are thinking about suicide go to the nearest emergency room or call 911 and if having suicidal thoughts you can call 988 and seek the care of a competent therapist.

Decision making is easier when it’s based on what is happening now. “When you know you don’t know, you remain open, when you know you don’t know, anything is possible.” (Wallis, Recognition Sūtras 2017, p. 354).