Internal Family Systems (IFS) with Meditators

I have heard a lot of meditators talk about therapy and wonder if IFS is right for them. And when I hear that conversation, I wonder about the reasons people come to Meditation. Why do people start to meditate? For calm, stress reduction, anxiety relief, “emotional digestion” to have community and relationships, to be more effective in the world? Is it a spiritual undertaking, to understand oneself, to know what is real, for awakening, for the good of all beings or do you meditate for some other reason? If you look at the list some of the reasons people go to Meditation many are variations of the same reasons one might want to go to therapy.

A little about IFS

Our psychology mirrors the universe. We can be of multiple minds about things within our own body. Our internal reality is a reflection of something bigger. IFS uses the metaphor of an Internal Family to represent a group of people working together for a single goal. Patricia Rich likes to describe this as an Internal Team rather than as a family, an image I prefer, as many clients do not have positive family associations. Richard Schwartz describes these internal team players as "parts." But this is a crucial concept:

PARTS ARE NOT SEPARATE ENTITIES.

Parts are aspects of the whole being, like fingers, toes, the heart and the liver. They all work together. And the "goal" of IFS therapy is to lead an integrated Self led life as a whole person.

So why do people come to therapy?

People come to therapy for a lot of reasons. They may experience "polarizations"—one part feels one way and another part feels differently. Here's a common example. They have a part that says, "I really want to be healthier." They sign up for a gym and intend to work out daily. They have another part that says, "I really want to be healthy." And that part keeps them from going to the gym because they worked all day and wants them to just relax and have fun instead of doing something that will exert more energy and by relaxing "be healthier." Both parts have good intentions. In this example they even have the same intention—health—but they express it in different ways. In this way internal conflicts are like external conflicts. All parties have legitimate needs that must be met.

Key IFS Concepts that Support Healing

Unburdening - releasing the energetic charge of old stories, emotional patterns, karma, ancestral, cultural, legacy burdens, realities that we have outgrown. Letting go allows the accessing of more energy. In therapy I have seen people with deep traumatic histories release the stories of their past and become more present and acquire more energy for life.

Positive Intentions - is my favorite IFS concept. As Richard Schwartz likes to say (and in fact has as a title to one of his books), there are "No Bad Parts." There are sometimes behaviors that are more or less beneficial, but every part has positive intentions (such as the desire for connection, safety, a break from responsibility, recognition.)

In couples therapy I see fights over "small things" get blown up to the point of divorce such as over a trash can, toilet paper roll, etc. These arguments are rarely exclusively about the stated issue but are usually about "I don't feel heard." "I don't feel valued." "I don't feel like a priority." Feeling disrespected, not good enough, judged, criticized, rejected, ignored, like sacrifices don't matter (just to list a few). And, as individuals and couples let go of their grip on the story and become more open to positive intentions there is more space for healing and doing the work of repair in their relationships.

Where are IFS and Meditation most aligned? Around the concept of Self.

Self is not ego with another name.

Meditation has essence nature. IFS has the Self. In IFS ego is more the burdened system. Self is more like Essence nature. For IFS self is the source of calmness, curiosity, compassion, courage, clarity, connectedness, confidence, creativity. In some non-dual meditation traditions there are many focus parts of awareness but one self. In IFS there is ONE self that is made up of many parts. Sounds like non-duality to me.

But, isn't the story of the problem/issue/situation making the problem more real?

The question of story is complicated in both therapy and meditation. Some people really do need to tell their stories and feel heard before healing can begin. A person is not bad or wrong for needing what they need.

And sometimes the stories really do feel real. When I watch a movie or read a book I know it’s not real (although if I were really invested in the story one might forget for awhile) and I resonate with what happens and have real emotional reactions regardless of whether it’s a “true” story or one that is “fiction.”

The emotional reality behind a story matters regardless of actual details. When working with STORY, a skilled therapist will get the feeling (bhava) of the story without necessarily believing the story or encouraging the client to believe it. What is true after the story is gone is a memory of something, often painful. Letting go of stories means accepting the pain, often grieving, and integrating into one's system. And everyone's availability for that varies.

No one is bad or wrong because they process things in their own unique way. IFS therapy can help one learn how to process on an individual needs basis and live more authentically from the entire self.

Additionally, not all parts are verbal and communicate in other ways. Sometimes healing can happen just by finding the part in/on/or around the body. Focusing on the part. Feeling towards it. Fleshing it out (does it have a color/a texture/shape?). Befriending it and learning about its fears. All of which can sometimes happen non-verbally.

A few Risks and Limitations

Not every client and every therapist are going to be a match. It's a little bit like dating. There can be, among other things, misattunement, unconscious bias, and accidental reification of stories. And yes, these are real risks for both meditation and therapy.

It's easy to reify a story. I have seen reification in the meditation world when people experience Kundalini-like symptoms or have a mystical experiences as well as when people identify with their mental symptoms, identifying themselves as their experience or diagnosis (sometimes from social media) rather than as someone who is experiencing the symptoms of depression or recovering from a traumatic experience or who has had an experience.

Bottom Line

IFS, like meditation, and any therapy is like any tool—it depends on when to use it, who is using it, and what it is being used for.

IFS helps some people. Is it a tool for "awakening"? The answer is, I do not know, but I think like any tool used at the right time, maybe. What does feel right to me is that both meditation and therapy can support integration, presence, and less suffering which is ultimately for the good of all beings.

I

compassionately support meditators, healers, artists, and professionals who are navigating complex relationships, inner conflicts, and questions of self-worth. My work is grounded in Internal Family Systems (IFS) and integrative approaches, offering a warm, reflective space to explore what feels aligned—for you.

If this reflection resonates, you’re warmly invited to connect.

— Arielle Vale, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

California LMFT #9885, Maryland LCM, 893

Internal Family Systems Level 1 & 2 Trained

(925) 726-3151, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/arielle-vale-walnut-creek-ca/160658